Closure.

If you've been following my journey, you know that I have struggled a lot with the person that I was working with to create my first collection. A little recap, for those who are new to the blog: lots of ideas, lots of things I wanted to hear, lots of hope, lots of empty promises, lots of waiting around, lots of money spent, lots of disappointment, and lots of anger/frustration/sadness. Basically, nothing went the way I had imagined and I lost pretty much everything I invested, which is everything I had saved up on my own and unless Mila and Nova start paying me, there is no easy way to replenish what was lost. But if I have learned anything through this entire experience it's that there is NEVER an easy way to do anything and if it seems too easy, it's probably too good to be true. 

 Bodysuit:   Mila James   Bloomers:   Crew & Lu

Bodysuit: Mila James Bloomers: Crew & Lu

Everything that happened has caused me a great amount of anxiety. It's not easy to just give up what you have to someone in hopes that they are going to bring your dream to life, especially when you have kids to think about. I was constantly finding myself thinking about what happened and letting it bring me down and then telling myself not to let it bring me down then telling myself how can I NOT let it bring me down. It was a vicious never-ending cycle. All that thinking lead me to taking legal action against person X. I felt like I needed to do something, to fight, no matter the outcome. I needed to do something to help me gain some sort of closure. 

 The bodysuit is perfect for layering! Shop the look here:   Mila James     - Socks:   Crew & Lu

The bodysuit is perfect for layering! Shop the look here: Mila James - Socks: Crew & Lu

Deciding to take legal action also caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety. I decided to go about this while I was pregnant with Nova, so it was extremely difficult to handle all at one time, but again, I knew I needed this for my own peace of mind. I can't share much of what happened, but I will share that person X sent her son over to my house to counter serve me legal papers. Imagine being home alone, pregnant and with your 3 year old, and some man coming to your house pretending to be a neighbor and then as you start to open the door he starts banging on the door and windows yelling "open the door, open the door." I mean, who does that. If you are conducting a legal business and feel as though you are in the right, why would you need to go to that extent to get your point across. I was in complete shock and felt as though I did the wrong thing because I had no idea it was going to cause this sort of an issue for myself and my family. 

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when I legally tried to get my point across. As I mentioned before, things didn't go as planned but I feel like now I can move past this. I feel I have done everything I could for myself to gain some sort of closure and hopefully move past all that has happened. 

 Bodysuit:   Mila James   

Bodysuit: Mila James 

I have so much product in my house that I didn't believe was made to my expectations. Some products have inconsistent sleeves (meaning some have the full length sleeves as I wanted and some have shorter length sleeves), inconsistent sizing (within one size run, some run bigger than others), and mislabeled tags. Yes, she labeled my products with random tags rather than using my own, without telling me or asking me. So many things this person did where I just want to ask her WHY! WHY did you do this! But there's no talking to some people. 

With all this being said, I can't help but to think that the stuff she produced for me has brought me nothing but bad luck. While she may think that I am capitalizing off of her production, I am not. I have not made anywhere close to enough to re-invest in my shop. So, I have decided to sample sale most of the items in my shop. Everything that I feel is worth selling. You may find some with the wrong labels, some with full length sleeves and some with what seems like 3/4 length sleeves, but I am hoping the discounted price will be worth it. 

 How cute is this throwback photo of a smaller Mila and Penny!   Shop   the bodysuit now! 

How cute is this throwback photo of a smaller Mila and Penny! Shop the bodysuit now! 

I am hoping by doing this, I can get the support in being able to re-invest in my business and to completely wash my hands of this person. I am hoping for a clean slate and even though I'm fairly new to selling products in my shop, I am hoping this will allow me to start fresh with a better state of mind. Because I am planning to do a pretty heavy discount, I won't be able to bring all my designs to life. Though at this point, that is not what matters to me. I want a clean start, even if it means I can only add one product at a time. I would much rather have one product in my shop that I am extremely happy with and is working well for me, rather than having several products that were made with hate and not to my expectations. 

Items that will be sample sale'd: Floral Fit and Flare Dress, High Waisted Denim Shorts, Keyhole Bodysuit in Black and White. The tees I have in the shop won't be on sample sale, but will be discounted. Those products were produced before issues arose with the manufacturer, therefore those products were made up to my standards. That's another reason why I truly believe my production suffered after I spoke up for myself. When the tees were made, I stayed quiet. As soon as I spoke up, I started noticing all the inconsistencies. 

Again, thank you so much for following my journey and I hope you'll stick by me while I try and re-invest in and re-start this shop of mine! 

 Bodysuit:   Mila James   Bow:   Hello Wild Baby Co

 

 

It Ain't Easy...But I Love It!

I'm almost shocked that I even found the time to write this blog but here we go! Let's talk about being a mom of two, not that I've been doing this for a long time or anything, 13 weeks, so I'm a total profesh...hahahaha! YA RIGHT! 

 I just LOVE these little faces! 

I just LOVE these little faces! 

Obviously, we all go into adding another kid to the bunch knowing it'll be hard, but it's REALLY hard! Not that recovering from having a c-section isn't enough, you have to figure out how to balance your time between a toddler and a newborn, figure out how to breastfeed and make PB & J's at the same time, figure out how to change a diaper while the other has to potty, figure out how to shower one while the other cries, I mean, I can go on and on here but you get it. You think having one newborn is hard when it's all you know but when Mila is off with her daddy, having only a newborn is a BREEZE! 

Getting out of the house? Give me a couple of hours! Again, I've only been doing this for 13 weeks now, but I get so bummed when I see moms of two with makeup on looking all put together. It makes me want to stop and ask her how?! HOW DO YOU DO IT!! Give me all the tips because I miss my makeup so much! Packing the diaper bag, which feels more like a luggage bag, includes a change of clothes in case one pees herself and the other poops right out of her diaper. Snacks, more like the entire snack cabinet is in that bag because my 3 year old's mouth has to stay moving in one way or another. Getting them ready is basically a race to see who can potty more. Got one ready to go, yes! Get the other one ready to go than the other needs to potty. Okay, finally, let's go! Wait...NO! A diaper! AGAIN! It almost feels like they know what they are doing, haha! At this point, I'm just like, do I really need to go there? 

All jokes aside, being a mom of two is hard. For a mom who lives a bit far from her family and can't always turn to them for help, it gets rough knowing that I have no choice but to deal with everything that comes with having two kids. I don't have access to a nanny or grandma's to come relieve me on days where I feel like I'm feeling so defeated, which I know, I can't count on anyone. We chose to have these babies so it falls on us and at the end of the day I know it's possible. And of course, during this whole transition, Brian started working later and getting home pretty much at bed time so Monday through Friday, it's all mama, all day everyday. I'm constantly exhausted, both mentally and physically. Mentally, I am always beating myself up. Am I doing this right, am I spending enough time with each kid, does Mila hate me because I am spending so much time with the baby. Sometimes I stare at Mila while she's quietly coloring or watching on her tablet (because sometimes, you just gotta give them that tablet for some peace) and think back to how life was with just me and her and wonder if she misses it. I hope this doesn't make me sound terrible, but I miss those days. I love my little Nova so so much, but I miss spending alone time with Mila. I know things will change and Nova will get easier to manage and I'll find better ways to get us up and moving faster so we can do more activities but it's a lot to take in all at one time. 

Then I look at Nova, am I giving her enough attention? I mean, when Mila was born I was doing so many things with her. Talking, playing, dressing her up, taking photos, etc. but this time I am just so tired. Not that I wasn't tired with Mila, but I've reached a new level, haha! With Mila, I would spend more time laying with her and playing with her but this time around I find myself letting her lay alone because I have to use that time to brush Mila's teeth or make her breakfast. 

My loves

I have no idea how long my blog will be up and running but if it's here when these two little girls are old enough to read, I want them to know this:

To my Mila, the one who made me a mama, thank you for being so patient with mama through pregnancy, recovery and now with me trying to figure it all out. Thank you for sacrificing your library outings and ballet classes so I could rest. Thank you for helping me get the diapers and giving baby sister her pacifier while Mama takes a bathroom break. Thank you for playing on your own so mama can take care of Nova. Thank you for bringing me everything I need when I can't get it myself because my hands are full. Thank you for showing Nova so much love, for now, I know it has to be hard for you to share mama and daddy! Just thank you! 

To my super Nova! Thank you for taking breaks between our feeding sesh's so I can take your sister to the bathroom, get her all the snacks in the world, or pick her up from falling off whatever it is that she was climbing. Thank you for not peeing on me as much as other newborns do because who has the time to clean all that up (I'm pretty sure I'm jinxing myself here).

Sisters

I love these girls so much and I am so blessed to be their mama! I just hope I am doing the best that I can for them and that they will always cherish these moments of us being together because one day Mama will be back to work and our days of cuddling on the couch will be no more. Till then, I'll just be here trying to figure out life, mom'ing, Mila James, etc., etc. Let's just hope I can figure all this out before Mila figures out that she's tired of eating PB and J's, haha.