I'm almost shocked that I even found the time to write this blog but here we go! Let's talk about being a mom of two, not that I've been doing this for a long time or anything, 13 weeks, so I'm a total profesh...hahahaha! YA RIGHT!
Obviously, we all go into adding another kid to the bunch knowing it'll be hard, but it's REALLY hard! Not that recovering from having a c-section isn't enough, you have to figure out how to balance your time between a toddler and a newborn, figure out how to breastfeed and make PB & J's at the same time, figure out how to change a diaper while the other has to potty, figure out how to shower one while the other cries, I mean, I can go on and on here but you get it. You think having one newborn is hard when it's all you know but when Mila is off with her daddy, having only a newborn is a BREEZE!
Getting out of the house? Give me a couple of hours! Again, I've only been doing this for 13 weeks now, but I get so bummed when I see moms of two with makeup on looking all put together. It makes me want to stop and ask her how?! HOW DO YOU DO IT!! Give me all the tips because I miss my makeup so much! Packing the diaper bag, which feels more like a luggage bag, includes a change of clothes in case one pees herself and the other poops right out of her diaper. Snacks, more like the entire snack cabinet is in that bag because my 3 year old's mouth has to stay moving in one way or another. Getting them ready is basically a race to see who can potty more. Got one ready to go, yes! Get the other one ready to go than the other needs to potty. Okay, finally, let's go! Wait...NO! A diaper! AGAIN! It almost feels like they know what they are doing, haha! At this point, I'm just like, do I really need to go there?
All jokes aside, being a mom of two is hard. For a mom who lives a bit far from her family and can't always turn to them for help, it gets rough knowing that I have no choice but to deal with everything that comes with having two kids. I don't have access to a nanny or grandma's to come relieve me on days where I feel like I'm feeling so defeated, which I know, I can't count on anyone. We chose to have these babies so it falls on us and at the end of the day I know it's possible. And of course, during this whole transition, Brian started working later and getting home pretty much at bed time so Monday through Friday, it's all mama, all day everyday. I'm constantly exhausted, both mentally and physically. Mentally, I am always beating myself up. Am I doing this right, am I spending enough time with each kid, does Mila hate me because I am spending so much time with the baby. Sometimes I stare at Mila while she's quietly coloring or watching on her tablet (because sometimes, you just gotta give them that tablet for some peace) and think back to how life was with just me and her and wonder if she misses it. I hope this doesn't make me sound terrible, but I miss those days. I love my little Nova so so much, but I miss spending alone time with Mila. I know things will change and Nova will get easier to manage and I'll find better ways to get us up and moving faster so we can do more activities but it's a lot to take in all at one time.
Then I look at Nova, am I giving her enough attention? I mean, when Mila was born I was doing so many things with her. Talking, playing, dressing her up, taking photos, etc. but this time I am just so tired. Not that I wasn't tired with Mila, but I've reached a new level, haha! With Mila, I would spend more time laying with her and playing with her but this time around I find myself letting her lay alone because I have to use that time to brush Mila's teeth or make her breakfast.
I have no idea how long my blog will be up and running but if it's here when these two little girls are old enough to read, I want them to know this:
To my Mila, the one who made me a mama, thank you for being so patient with mama through pregnancy, recovery and now with me trying to figure it all out. Thank you for sacrificing your library outings and ballet classes so I could rest. Thank you for helping me get the diapers and giving baby sister her pacifier while Mama takes a bathroom break. Thank you for playing on your own so mama can take care of Nova. Thank you for bringing me everything I need when I can't get it myself because my hands are full. Thank you for showing Nova so much love, for now, I know it has to be hard for you to share mama and daddy! Just thank you!
To my super Nova! Thank you for taking breaks between our feeding sesh's so I can take your sister to the bathroom, get her all the snacks in the world, or pick her up from falling off whatever it is that she was climbing. Thank you for not peeing on me as much as other newborns do because who has the time to clean all that up (I'm pretty sure I'm jinxing myself here).
I love these girls so much and I am so blessed to be their mama! I just hope I am doing the best that I can for them and that they will always cherish these moments of us being together because one day Mama will be back to work and our days of cuddling on the couch will be no more. Till then, I'll just be here trying to figure out life, mom'ing, Mila James, etc., etc. Let's just hope I can figure all this out before Mila figures out that she's tired of eating PB and J's, haha.